Christian Spirituality - A Personal Journey

Week 1 – 22^nd September 2019

The main purpose behind this was to experience something new but something to better understand Christian Spirituality. Having attended a Church of Scotland Church for the better part of two years I knew attending something like a Quaker Meeting would be a new experience for me. The meeting, held in Nairn Community Centre was the first part of the new experience, I was so used to the impressive architecture of a traditional church, but this only reminded me that Christ’s Church was not the building, but with the people.

After locating where the meeting was to be held within the building which didn’t take much doing, I was greeted with a warm welcome which did much to ease any anxiety I was feeling. Having explained that this was my first Quaker meeting, it was explained to me what would happen during the meeting much of which was silence. Two books were also suggested to me for reading, these were “A Light is Shining” by Harvey Gillman and “Quaker Faith and Practice” published by Britain Yearly Meeting, both books would be able to give me a better understanding and history of the Quaker.

The meeting started promptly with the lighting of a candle at the centre of the table and immediately members of the group went into a state of meditation or prayer. I closed my eyes, clasped by hands and began to pray also trying my best to clear my mind of any wondering thoughts, if my mind did begin to wonder I found myself reciting the Lord’s prayer in my head in an effort to centre myself. It was during my moments of prayer that I found my senses heightened especially that of hearing, I found myself focussed on all noise no matter where it was coming from, there was for example a local choir singing in a room below us and the noise of the passing traffic outside as well as the occasional conversation. There were at times moments where I felt myself starting to drift off just due to the relaxing atmosphere of the situation, when this happened I opened my eyes and focussed once more on the candle that was still very much lit on the centre of the table. There were moments where I did feel as if a presence was surrounding me, unsure if this was that of the Holy Spirit or the relief of stress from the weeks gone past I couldn’t say for certain but either way I felt this was a positive step.

Conscious of the clock that was hanging on the wall I was doing my best not to look at it and “clock watch,” though curious as to know how much time had passed but not moments later and a voice said “thank you friends” indicating that this part had indeed come to an end and indeed looking at the clock an hour had passed I couldn’t quite believe myself how quickly it had gone. The whole first week of the experience went incredibly well and the warm welcome I received made it all the more pleasurable, I look forward to next Sunday’s meeting.

Week 2 – 29^th September 2019

After a successful first week after attending my first Quaker meeting I was unfortunately unable to attend this week due to childcare commitments. I had mix emotions about this, disappointed that I was unable to attend for both personal and academic reasons but at the same time knew that my daughter always had to come first. Despite not being able to attend I used whatever spare time I had wisely and read some of the recommended reading from one of the books that was suggested to me on my first week attending. The book I read was “Quaker Faith and Practice,” the latest edition, which was the fifth, the introduction of which was able to give some historical background to the Quakers as well as provide some spiritual insight, one quote in particular from George Fox seemed to resonate with me who said: “that the Lord is at work this thick night” this statement reminded me that during times of severe struggle whether personal, spiritual or due to current political climate during these dark times the Lord is still at work. After reading the introduction it led into the “Advices and Queries” of what it is to be a “good” Quaker.

Week 3 – Sunday 6^th October 2019

Able to attend this week the community centre where the meetings were held moved us to another room which confused me momentarily and we had moved into a room that appears to be used for a pre-school for the town which did change the ambiance a little, but in a good and somewhat more relaxed way and it was nice again to be able to be greeted my friendly faces.

The meeting started very similar to how it did the first week with a lighting of candle and the people I was with started to close there eyes and relax there breathing, I took a moment to look around at them one by one making a mental note at how relaxed and at peace they appeared to be. Wanting to join them I did the same and allowed my mind to clear, still getting used to the experience I wasn’t entirely the best way to do this and for a little while recited the Lord’s prayer hoping that I would still be heard. Eventually I did start to feel a lot more relaxed and my mind began to empty and a sensation similar to how I felt in the first week, like I was being surrounded by a presence made me feel ever more at ease. It was around this point that with my eyes closed images of waves appeared, I have fond memories of being beside the sea and I wondered if this was a way for my mind to connect to something familiar that I found relaxing. Not long after this moment the words “thank you friends” was uttered to bring this part to a close.

After a moment or two to allow ourselves to reflect on the past hour we all started to discuss the week that had passed and a passage was read out of the “Quaker Faith and Practice” book which ironically related to children, it was quite fitting considering our location this week. This topic brought about a discussion on the current weeks events which had been about many school kids walking out of school to protest on climate change, I made a comment that “this wouldn’t have happened when I was at school” to which all agreed. We then all brought the meeting to a final close by standing in a circle, holding hands and being silent for a moment before the words “thank you friends” were uttered once more. We then went our separate ways after tea.

Later that day I took my daughter into Inverness down to Bught Park to support a friend who was running the Loch Ness Marathon. As we walked along the River Ness I saw the waves of the water and was reminded of what I saw during my time at Quakers that day, a coincidence? Or a message from the Holy Spirit? Either way it reminded me of the relaxing and pleasant experience I had that morning in Quakers.

Week 4 – Sunday 13^th October 2019

It seemed at this point that I was destined to only attend every other week. This week due to issues with my car I was unable to attend the Quaker meeting, fortunately I was able to get the car fixed later that day, but this did not stop the feeling of frustration for not being able to attend.

Later that day I continued to read the “Quaker Faith and Practice” and read some more in the section “Advice and Queries.” This caused to me reflect on differing books with different religions and how normally within a Church of Scotland service the Bible would normally be read from and at a Quaker meeting “Quaker Faith and Practice” is read. However, a copy of the Bible is always on hand to read during the hours silence, this is to see if a specific passage allows us to better connect with the Holy Spirit and better hear the Lord’s message.

I look forward to attending Quakers the following week.

Week 5 – Sunday 20^th October 2019

Thankfully I was able to attend the Quaker meeting this week and we were back in our usual room within the community centre I think it is safe to say that I have made some friends while attending these meetings and when I walked in I was greeted with warm welcomes and asking how I had been since they last saw me. I began, before even the silence had begun to reflect if I would continue to attend these meetings after my module in Christian Spirituality had ended and I think at this time the answer would be yes, the warm welcome I have received, the friendships made and the peace it has given me is more than enough proof to me that this has been worth doing. I may also still attend the occasional Church of Scotland service to compliment attending Quakers and this is a personal spiritual choice for me that will allow me to both listen for God but to also praise him as well.

Week 6 – Sunday 27^th October 2019

This past week had been particularly stressful with a combination of work, personal issues and university deadlines I was certainly feeling the strain both physically and mentally. I was hoping that the time spent during the Quaker meeting would allow me to properly clear my head and focus on what I had to do to prepare for the week ahead. I attended the meeting in good time and said my usual greetings to everyone before taking a seat, with the lighting of the candle the meeting began and I started as I usually would, closing my eyes and controlling my breathing to allow myself to be at ease. However, the peace and ease that I would normally start to feel was not happening as it has done the previous weeks and a sense of frustration was coming over me. The frustration was not because I could not clear my mind though I suspect it was partly to blame but more that I had got myself mentally in such a state from the week gone by that I could not focus. What had started to occur to me at this point is how much I had become to depend on the clarity that attending these meetings every Sunday provided, so I re-opened my eyes attempted to focus on the candle that was lit on the table in front of me and attempted to focus again without much joy or success. Despite my usual practices that I had done the previous weeks, such as reciting the Lord’s prayer and asking the Lord to clear my mind and ask for clarity of thought, that tension and chaos that I was feeling would not subside. By the time the meeting had come to a close I was feeling as tired, stressed and wound up, if not more so then when I had first entered. I hoped the week ahead would be less of a strain so that come next Sunday I could feel more at ease.

Week 7 – Sunday 3^rd November

It is hard to believe that it has been seven weeks since I started attending the Quaker meetings and writing this journal, after the lack of clarity from the previous week I was certainly hoping for more when I attended the meeting this week. The past week had not been less stressful as such, but I certainly feel that I had been able to cope with it a lot better than I had the week before and felt more at ease as I walked into the room. The candle was lit, and the meeting began, and I watched as my fellow Quakers began to close their eyes and control their breathing and so I joined them and began to do the same. Moments after I had began I could feel the relaxing sensation and the presence of the Holy Spirit around me as I had done on occasion weeks before, I thanked the Lord for the clarity of thought that he had been able to provide me and being able to clear the storm that was my thoughts.

Journal Conclusion

I was very happy to have concluded this seven-week spiritual journal on a positive note, it has been a very rewarding seven weeks that has affected me both personally and spiritually and certainly made a positive contribution to my physical and mental health. I intend to continue attending Quaker meetings as and when I can and as I stated in a previous journal entry I will more than likely to still attend a Church of Scotland service on a monthly basis as part of my continuous spiritual journey of what it is to be a Christian.